September 2019

Signed,

Dear Empty Nester,

You are not alone. We all come to a point in our lives where we lack clarity and a clear path forward. We are expected to carry on but life feels different. It's not necessarily a good different but it's not a bad different either. We know we can't go back so we feel compelled towards change. The problem is, we don't always know exactly what that change might look like. Suddenly (or gradually), you feel challenged to do or be something more than who you are in your current life. This inner turmoil feels downright uncomfortable and can seem like the uncertainty will last forever.

But it won't. And the choices you make will determine how long you stay in this space. Here's some thoughts....

First, don't resist the discomfort. Instead, give yourself time to grieve. This is normal and healthy as we enter into a new phase of life. Our old identity is all that we know. Change is scary and can also be sad, especially when change involves our children. Set a time frame for yourself. It can be one month or three months or more or less- whatever resonates for you. Allow yourself space for self-care. Read more, clean out some closets, remodel a room you've been wanting to improve, do something creative and explore nature. Process how you're feeling with a spouse or a friend and know that this too shall pass.

Second, give yourself another time frame for the exploration of what's next. You don't need to figure it all out immediately. Your unique situation will determine how you choose to navigate but here's a few basic strategies to gain some direction:

1. Keep a notebook of ideas to record your thoughts, fears and even your dreams when you wake up in the morning (these can provide great guidance so pay attention!). Meditate with the intention of answering the question, "What is next for me?" Be aware of any images in your mind or intuitive moments when you seem to be attracted or guided towards a specific direction. If you come across articles or business cards or anything that sparks an idea for you, tuck it into that notebook to keep everything in one place. Set aside time to research directions of interest simply to fill your notebook- no pressure.

2. Dare to dream. Be open to possibilities and be careful of where you put your focus. Hold yourself accountable when you recognize self-sabotaging thoughts like "I'm too old" or "I can't do that" or "that would be too hard/expensive/impossible". Be willing to explore opportunities without fear- you're not committing to anything by simply gaining information. Challenge yourself to think big.

3. Think of the people you know who may be doing what you'd want to do. Meet them for coffee or take them to lunch or just ask for a few minutes of their time to find out more about their field, volunteer work or travels. Pay attention when you're out and about. See the world with a new and curious set of eyes. Imagine enjoying this next chapter, feeling fulfilled and energized.

4. Communicate your thoughts to a trusted friend, partner, counselor or life coach. Be willing to seek wise counsel if you need it. When you reveal your fears, they feel more manageable and the extra support can make this space, however vast it might seem, easier to endure.

It's difficult when we are smack in the middle of a transition and it's easy to forget that we won't be sitting in this dark space forever.   What you place your focus on will determine how long you stay in the dark.

Be patient. Trust that when the time is right, you'll figure it all out.