Are You A Different Person At Work Than You Are At Home?

During the first week of each of the Powerful Men or Powerful Women 6 Week Coaching Series that I teach throughout the year, we do what's called a "Power Assessment."  I sometimes also do this with large groups when I've been asked to speak within companies or for school staff members.  Basically, we go through a checklist that asks us to reflect on our self-awareness, self-care and emotional and thought management skills.  It's a pretty comprehensive list of bullet points that encourages us to do a serious and brutally honest 30,000 foot evaluation of who we are choosing to be most days.  Not to add to the self-judgment of course, but instead we use the assessment as a resource to build our internal tool box.  After all, we don't change what we don't choose to see.  But regardless of the group or gender, I hear some version of the same interesting comment over and over again. 

"I am a different person at work than I am at home."  Like a chameleon that changes its colors depending on its environment.  People are often surprised by this revelation.  It's an uncomfortable "ah-ha" moment. 

And once you see it, you can't un-see it. 

But it makes sense.  We feel we have to be on our best behavior at work.  If we let our "true" self out, if we say how we "really" feel, we might risk our job.  It's dangerous to not manage our emotions around our bosses, customers and colleagues.  At home, we can let loose.  This is where we can release the pent up stress of the day.  We're not so worried about the consequences.

But that doesn't mean there aren't any.

What might happen if we strived to be the same person no matter where we go?  Or who we're with?  What would that take?

Gary Zukav in his book, The Seat of the Soul talks about authentic power as "the alignment of the personality with the soul."  I've always loved that definition.  He writes specifically, "When the personality comes fully to serve the energy of its soul, that is authentic power."  To me, that means being intentional about pausing, listening to that still, small voice within and allowing the core of who you are lead you around versus knee-jerk, or stressed out reactions caused by overwhelm and fear.  Living each day with depth versus on the surface.

That should be easy, right? 

If only it was.  Except it kind of is.  Yet it's really not.  But is it?

Yes and no.  Power will always be found in the simple.  We make things far more complicated than they need to be and we often create problems where problems need not exist.  If you're paying attention, you'll see yourself doing this at some point during your week.  So the more we scale back to the simplest of truths- like compassion, gratitude and love- the easier it is for us to remain in alignment with who we really are. 

Yet we're also human.  We're constantly surrounded by people and situations that challenge us.  We are imperfect at our core.

So how can we be the same person at work and at home just a little bit more?  Be curious and fascinated with yourself.  And by human behavior in general.  Evaluate how much energy you put into judgement of yourself and others, creating additional and unnecessary stress.  Spend more energy focused on your own personal choices in thought, perspectives, actions and reactions and less time wishing others were different.   Focus more on your reception of other people's behaviors versus how those behaviors are being delivered.  Focus on what you can control.

Because a peaceful self really does begin and end with you.  And a peaceful you will always be more authentic no matter where you are, what you're doing or who you're with.

You really are that powerful....