August 2019

Dear Old Habits,

Many of my clients ask this same question. The brain is an interesting organ. But it's just that. An organ that runs with thoughts automatically, just like your heart beats and your lungs breathe.

Those thoughts are often based on old, subconscious, habitual patterns seared in your brain long ago. The reason it takes so long to change is that the neural pathways that lead you to continue to make the same choices over and over again despite wanting different, are paths very well traveled.

If you want to change, you must create new neural pathways. And that typically takes time.

Here's a metaphor that my clients find helpful. Imagine you decide to go for a hike in the woods. You drive your car to the well known trail close to your home. You pull into the parking lot and there it is....the path well traveled. It's easy to find, you know where it goes, the hike is an effortless one. You know the terrain and as if on auto-pilot, you arrive at your destination.

The path leads to a run-down old shack that you've seen over and over again. You're not sure why you keep choosing this path because it doesn't lead to anything good. But a new path brings uncertainty and discomfort, and this one is easy to walk. So you keep taking it.

Finally, you've had enough. You decide you've been down this path far too often and that it's time for something new.

So you courageously step into the thick brush of the forest, moving aside the branches, unsure of exactly where you're going and what you'll find on the other side. You get slapped by twigs, sticks and leaves as they snap right back into place. Your legs get scratched and you roll your ankles on the uneven ground. But you keep going and you finally arrive and it leads to something new. Something challenging. Something more beneficial. Something worth the discomfort.

Think about the next time you return to that same trail. You now know where you want to go. And where you don't. But you've only traveled the new path one time. It remains difficult to find. And even more difficult to navigate. Yet the old path remains clearly marked. And easy. So....well, you take it again. And again. Until you don't. Because you remember there's another way. It's still hard to find, but you're determined. Because you want what is on the other side more than you want to go to that old shack at the end of the well traveled path.

Think about how many times you'll need to travel that new route through the thick, scratchy brush before it becomes a well traveled path that is effortless to walk. Think about how long it will be before the neglected well traveled path grows weeds, brush and even trees and is no longer visible and easy.

That is how your brain works. You must resist the easy and effortless well traveled ways. You must grow conscious of the unconscious.   You must be willing to lean into your discomfort.

And you must give yourself a break. Be fascinated with the human condition and our tendency to revert back to old patterns while holding yourself accountable for the tenacity and perseverance needed to keep moving towards better.

And after awhile, slowly but surely, you will meet sustainable change.