Blog Post

February 2019

  • By Laurie McAnaugh
  • 02 Feb, 2019

Strong Marriages Require Strong Prioritizing

Dear Laurie,

My husband and I have 3 children. Lately, it’s hard to be in the same room together without one of us saying something nasty that spurs an argument that can last for days. We both work full time and nights and weekends are spent dividing and conquering, running the kids to their activities or taking care of their many needs.  We both adore our children and enjoy making family memories, but I still feel like when it comes to our marriage, we’ve grown apart.  I’m not sure what to do to change it.

Signed,

Wanting Change

 

Dear Wanting Change,

Somehow our society has us believing that our children must always be our top priority while the relationship with our spouse should take a backseat until the kids are in college. Even if we don’t consciously believe this, we often act as if we do…. we go through the motions, exhausted by the challenges of parenting while working to provide for our family. Many relationships are tested to limits that are simply unsustainable. Yes, our children are a huge priority and rightly so, but one of the greatest gifts we can give our children is a strong and happy marriage.

At the end of the day, our happiness will be directly related to the quality of our relationships.  Find ways to make your relationship your highest priority- this is the person you’ve vowed to spend your life with. Your kids will grow to have their own lives and families. When they do, you want to still like the person sitting on the other side of the dinner table.  The investment in your marriage is well worth your effort.

Make time for your spouse. Plan date nights, weekends away and even romantic vacations every once in awhile (yes, these can be done on a budget!).   If childcare is a challenge, be creative and think of ideas that can work for your family. For example, offer to take your best friend’s kids so they can get away for a weekend and ask they do the same for you.  If your kids need to miss an activity on occasion, it won’t be the end of the world.  It’s easy to make excuses as to why alone time is impossible. The consequences of not making your relationship a priority however, are not at all easy- for you or your children.

Show your children the benefits of investing your time into your relationship. What is it we want to model for our children as we raise them to be strong healthy adults? What is the future life we hope for our daughters and sons? We must ask ourselves, how am I showing up in this marriage and what shifts might I make in order to model a stronger and more intimate partnership? 

In the book Change Anything: The New Science of Personal Success by Kerry Patterson, Joseph Grenny,  David Maxfield, Ron McMillan, and Al Switzler,  research from 350 couples in failing marriages revealed that relationships fail because of behavior not chemistry or compatibility.  Our daily choices really do matter.

Start communicating with your partner about your feelings today. No blaming. No shaming. No bringing up all the ways your spouse hasn’t measured up in the past.  Simply communicate with empathy and a desire to grow forward- and together.  Then make a date for some alone time.


By Laurie McAnaugh 16 Sep, 2021
Take Care of Yourself
By Laurie McAnaugh 05 Jan, 2021
We've all heard it over and over again these past few weeks. Maybe you've even said it yourself.

"Good riddance to 2020! Don't let the door hit you on the way out! Bring on 2021!"

I get it. It was a year that brought on many challenges.
Fear. Isolation. Illness. Discord. Unprecedented uncertainty.

Here's the interesting thing though. When I challenge this "Good Riddance" mantra, every single person is able to list so many beautiful moments from the last 12 months.

I would guess that's true for you, too.

So take a moment to breathe. Deeply. Right now.
What will you take with you from 2020?
What gifts? What insights? What habits? What non-negotiables? What unexpected treasures?

What changes do you want to keep?
Instead of rushing to slam the door on this past year, decide instead to gently close it with gratitude and positive anticipation of what's to come.
It has been a year that has created openings for entire paradigm shifts within each and every one of us.
And within our world.

Some of those shifts in 2021 will be amazing. Some may continue to feel like obstacles for awhile.

But we're all on this crazy ride doing the best we can with what we've got in this moment.
Let us continue to develop our own unique personal tool belts so that when life acts all "2020" on us, we've got the reserves to be able to hold our mental health strong while still seeing the multitude of blessings everywhere.

Let us seek to better honor our own humanity and the humanity in others by letting go of the self-defeating, stress-inducing burden of judgment.  And at the same time, let us hold ourselves accountable for rising up to higher ground.  

Because 2020 has strengthened us and we really are that powerful.


By Laurie McAnaugh 22 Dec, 2020
My husband, Todd and I recently spent a week in the Berkshires of Western Massachusetts. We make it a priority to spend time there at least a few times a year. It's a quiet, peaceful part of the world filled with mountains and snow-capped beauty.

We fill our days with simplicity. Long, scenic drives through the peaks and valleys, and hikes that lead us to places we’ll never forget.

The hikes are always an adventure. There’s just something about being alone in the woods, miles from civilization, without cell service.

As we navigate unfamiliar trails, the ground beneath our feet is sometimes wet and slippery. It takes all of our concentration and agility to safely stay the course (okay, just me- my husband is annoyingly fearless and freakishly agile). Occasionally, I can forget to stop, look up, and absorb the magnificent landscape.

Deep in the woods, the world becomes so still that every noise seems to intensify. The sounds of the scurrying wild, the forceful winter breezes that push the trees to their limits. The wind causes the bare birch trunks to creak, making haunting sounds that keep us on high alert. The sounds so intense at times, you wonder when a tree might fall, and where. But we brave the path ahead, not knowing exactly what the final destination will look like and what obstacles lie ahead. We just keep going.

To be in the middle of the cold, barren, breathless beauty completely disconnected to civilization, makes these excursions feel both risky and sacred at the same time. For this naturally cautious girl (did I mention my fear of wild animals?), these isolated walks in the wild bring on a mix of conflicting feelings and emotions:

Gratitude, concern, reverence, worry, wonder, apprehension, appreciation, uncertainty, and faith.

And when we finally arrive at an enchanting waterfall, I know it was worth the effort it took to get there.

Reminds me of 2020. So much to have felt anxious about. So much to appreciate. So much isolation. Yet so many reasons to trust that good is around the corner.

So we just keep going. We brave the unknown. No matter how slippery, and treacherous the journey has been, if we remember to pause and look around, we’ll find much beauty and opportunity to embrace.

Wishing you the sacredness of simplicity this holiday season and a 2021 filled with love, connection and exciting new adventures.
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